November approaches and just like that, 2009 is about to come to a close. Its been about close to 10 months since I've left Malaysia and time away has made me realize and appreciate a lot of things. For one thing, I've really come to see that CBC, maybe more specifically the people in it have so much admirable qualities to shout about. Being away from home and away from the people I'm closest with has made me realize what a great bunch of people we have in CBC. Not that Adelaide is devoid of such company, if it were I'd be pining for home every night. Its just that all this has made me treasure the values they instill in our little church, the things you cannot learn from any amount of bible study classes or kick ass sermons, but the sharpening of iron that comes when all the different parts of the body work well together. I must say, I am pretty content with who I am today, the choices that have brought me here, and I believe that I owe that to a lot of the great people back home who have inspired and left their mark on me one way or another.
Its interesting, being at the threshold of adult life and that whole having to fend yourself kind of thing. Being among people who have just gone through that transition and among others who are readying themselves for the big bad working world as well. I see people making decisions that my idealist self cannot understand, and I question if I ever will. Although my heads are a lot less in the clouds these year, and the impending internship, and trying to somehow get a job here is becoming increasingly vivid, I still hold fast to a lot of my core values, that you know, there are more important things than farming gold in this world. I guess growing up in a dysfunctional-ish family has thought me that there are just some things that money can never buy and there is only so much security finances can provide.
True, you can't expect to live in the world based on good intentions alone. But I don't think it requires that much either.
I will stand by my convictions that I will not compromise in my choices in life, if those choices were to chip away at the core of who I am.
Idealistic much?
Another thing I've learned this week is the importance of guarding my quiet time with God. Which is to me, the thing I value most in life. There are times where when there is nothing to be obedient to God about, no special task He has laid upon you to undertake, no crusade or prayer battle to fight, nothing on the agenda from God so to speak where we can get tempted to rest on our laurels and slack. But in times where it seems like there is no directive from up above, it is of paramount importance to just maintain and zealously guard communication with the high command.
I've come to notice that the feeling of somnolence and fatigue, the heaviness of the eyelids that comes when you're just about to open the bible or a devotional book is much much much more than a physiological effect. The sudden outburst of distracting thoughts that bombard me are not just because i have a shitty sense of concentration. We tend to quickly assume that these things are due to our own negligence and we instantly label them as justifications that we're not good enough to maintain a disciplined and consistent time with God but what if, just what if there is a much more sinister motive behind these distractions. That someone is not happy we are turning and going to God and walking with Him in the cool of the day. Sure it sound paranoid much, but is it too much to think that perhaps these things are engineered by the devil to thwart our efforts in connecting with the Almighty?
I've learned that sometimes, we don't have to feel bad about ourselves when these things happen, because hopefully its not due to us. And that when resistance is heightened, so should the counter-attack. I've learned that if we back down and say "oh maybe I'm too tired tonight, I'll just read my bible and pray tomorrow" then the Devil has got what he set out to accomplish. Sometimes just because there isn't a great crusade we have to go on for God it doesn't mean that there is no battle to fight. In a war, just because there is no assault we have to undertake it doesn't mean communication stations don't need to be constantly and vigilantly guarded against saboteurs. Because that is what the enemy will do when he isn't assaulting us directly, he just tries to take out communication.
But then again, if you're feeling tired because you spend the whole night on Facebook or playing DotA, or that you're entertaining infatuating thoughts during your quiet time, there is probably no diabolical agenda going on, you probably just need stronger priorities to be set.
We watched two movies today. Lost In Translation was quite a disappointment, because last I checked the reviews were nothing short of stellar. I thought it was okay, a bit too morose and overbearing for my tastes. State of Play was good, but umm, yeah.
Had a really great night, dinner with her parents at her place which is always an interesting scenario to be in. I.. am just so glad, and happy, and content and yes, blessed. I don't know what I've done, but I Must've Done Something Right la. Thats the only explanation behind the awesome-ness that this is.
p.s. Omg stupid amount of typos in this post. malas want to edit it already.
Listenin' to : Undo by Rush Of Fools
